It started with saying I was 40,
It continued with the silver wires
sprouting from my scalp
right in the front where my chestnut bangs should be --
just few enough to catch the light,
shimmering like knight's armor.
Kind of like a "that's what you get for opening your big mouth" gift.
It started when I couldn't breathe
and continued when my body grew into a size and shape
It started in my 20's when I drank so much and everyday
that I continued into a decade long spiral of
alcoholism and depression.
It started with a joke about me being old
and continued until I had completely brainwashed my physicality
into following suit.
I have forgotten fun.
I have forgotten danger.
I have fallen and can not get up.
I have emptied my own half-full glass.
My legacy is suffering.
My art -- lost.
When I was a teenager, I lived in the hill country of Texas,
and would often find quiet spots high enough to see
cedar and blue skies for miles.
I would dream.
I would plan.
I would be full of hope --
of life --
of freedom --
I miss that girl.
I wish she were here to talk the sense back into me.