Edible Chaos: Life is messy. Eat it up.
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CHRONICLED CONFESSIONS

D-day plus 9

7/2/2018

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    I'm tired.  Exhausted.  Fogged and flogged.  I'm a wreck and at the same time put together.  I'm dizzy and still.
     But still -- 
     the paradoxes continue.  
Picture
     It's coming.  Another one so soon after the one that just happened.  A turn for me this time. 
     Getting married -- I haven't even felt it yet until kind of just now..... Something I've wanted forever.... a dandelion finally keeping a promise. 
     My relationship with him has been 28 years of absolute crazy.  The real -- the imagined -- the what the fucks. 
     We have always endured somehow, even when we hated each other.  
     Hate.  
     He'd kill me if he knew I wrote that.  
     But humans hate -- they get disgusted.
     I'll be quite honest -- I didn't think this quick marriage would affect him so much.  He's putting his foot down more, staking claim.  Making sure his place isn't just in a curio cabinet in the corner.  
     He's speaking.  He's expressing. 
     He's doing it in a way now that forces me to pay attention.  

     I could take a lesson. 

     I need things, too --- I want to plant a flag.  I tornado my way through so much, and have for so long, I'm not sure my winds can even be properly measured.  
     I do know that I am unhappy with myself.  FAT.  Unable to physically do what I want.  41 years of abuse have finally packed on the layers.  I am defeated.  
     I don't need a Pinterest page of inspiration and I no longer need an Instagram full of people trying to find their inner goddess.  
     I need ME -- just me -- to live a life of choice.  I need to choose the good for me, no matter how selfish it is.  
     I need to make time, then take the time -- to enjoy those things that make me amazing. 
     Because he loves me despite my demons -- 
     and again......
​
     I could take a lesson. 
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    Misty Scott Carder

    An artist.  A writer.  A maker of things.  No boundaries.  Nothing off limits.  An everything bagel. 

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  • Home
  • SHOP MY LIMITED EDITION
  • What's the Latest?
  • Series / Exhibits
  • The Adventures of Roscoe
    • 2013 to 2014 Football Season
    • 2014 to 2015 Football Season
    • 2015 Roscoe's Vida Loca
    • 2018 Jethro's New Life